Big Blue Collar Thing Embarrasses Bulldog!

Dear Lucy,
This is an emergency. My mom took me to the vet this morning without even feeding me breakfast. She told me they were going to fix my cherry eye. I thought this was strange as I do not have a cherry for an eye, but along I went because I like the vet. They give me treats.
At any rate, Mom left me all day, and that is not the worst part. When she came to pick me up, they put this giant collar on me. I thought for sure Mom would take care of this problem, but no she thinks it is really cute and keeps telling me that my cherry eye is gone!
Lucy, I have no periferal vision. I can not scratch

anything. I can not even see my male parts. I hope they are still there. I will look like a fool in the yard, and Penny keeps tugging on the edge of this big blue burden. Have I mentioned that blue is way not my color?

Embarrassed in Blue,
Truman Gamble

Truman,

You're being so dramatic! First, it looks like your male parts are still there. So you can stop worrying about that!

A cherry eye is a gross red thingy that grows in a dog's eye. It is yucky looking and scares little kids. So you should be glad that's fixed. Your vision will be so much better you'll wonder how you lived without it! You will be able to scratch much more efficiently after this.

It really doesn't look that bad, and I bet you won't have to wear it for more than a few days. When your mom and dad let you out in the yard, just do your business quickly and get back up on the porch. You can use the excuse that it's really hot and you'd just rather be back inside. In a few days you'll probably go back to the vet, and they'll give you some treats and tell you it's time to take the silly blue thing off. I know it seems like you'll have to wear it forever, and you feel humiliated. But be patient. It'll be off in no time, trust me!

Love,

Lucy