Dear Lucy,I am a 45 pound English Bulldog who is a bit full-figured. I mean I think I look great, but recently,my mother has put me on a diet. She has come up with this seemingly random goal weight of 38 pounds! I mean, who weighs that? Further, she is feeding me this diet dog food, only a cup and a half per day at that. This new diet food bag has a photo of a very thin, in shape bulldog standing in a field of wildflowers...need I say more? At any rate, clearly this dog is a model and has nothing to do but workout and eat right. My boyfriend Truman still finds me very appealing.Why can't my mom just love me for who I am?
Desperately Hungry,
Penny Mae Gamble
ps. Could you please include diet tips, as I know yourecently lost a lot of weight. You look hot by theway!
Penny,
Thanks for the compliment! Remember, I know your mom too. Listen, I have to tell you something about her. She's a little bit obsessed with her dogbabies. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that! I don't know where she got 38 pounds either. But did she ever say you had to look like the bulldog on the bag? No, she just wants you to be healthy and happy. Don't read too much into it! Every bulldog is different, and you are beautiful just the way you are. Truman thinks you have lovely, shapely legs. He says they look just like a juicy, tender, tasty turkey leg from the fair, and he'd like to nibble on one. Oh wait, that's me. Oops! Sorry, sorry.
Over the past year, I have lost over 25 pounds, just by eating one sensible meal per day and lots of exercise. I only get two cups per day, and that's not a lot either! Don't hoover it all down at once. Savor every little bite! Maybe you can ask your mom for two cups a day, and have one cup twice a day. That way you won't feel so deprived!
Remember, beauty comes from the inside. Truman loves you, and so do I. Even though I chomped on you once. It was just... I don't know what came over me. I love you!
Love,
Lucy
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