What is this cat doing in my bed? What should I do?
Despondently,
Fuji
Dear Fuji,
I can't tell you where that cat came from, but many contemporary thinkers, including evangelical ministers, tv financial coaches, and Oprah believe that what happens to you is a product of your own most frequent thoughts. There are quite a few bestsellers out there that would suggest your thoughts manifested that cat into your bed. Maybe you are secretly resentful of this kitty who shares your home, and have always been worried that she might encroach on your personal space. You were so afraid it would happen, and now it has.
Have you tried woofing at the cat? Have you tried those Goldfish on the coffee table behind you? Do you realize you are bigger than the cat? Truly, you need to just assert yourself and physically move the cat. Cats get irritated easily, and may threaten you with their claws, but with enough courage and woofing, you CAN get the cat to get off your bed.
Also, your bed is too small. And it's flat. Maybe you should just let the cat have it. I think you need your own baby mattress with Whinnie the Pooh sheets, but that's just me.
Love,
Lucy
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